Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter

Stoicism

It has been a while since I’ve riffed on a Greek philosophy, but last week I read an interesting article that made me get up and google Stoicism. The author wrote that a podcast on Stoicism inspired him to work-out every day, even though he hated it and even though it hurt. Eventually, by practicing the Stoic virtue of persistence he got out of his rut and was happier.

A few days later I happened to see a few clients in a row who struggle with opening their mail consistently. I decided to try a novel approach, “Maybe,” I said, “this emphasis on trying to make it easier, or discover why it is so hard for you, isn’t serving you. Maybe you need to take a Stoic approach. Just do it. Because it is the adult thing to do. Maybe it will never be easy for you, but you are going to do it anyway.” The first client looked at me like I had horns but said she’d try it. The second laughed and said that would probably be a good tactic for her, since she’d grown up in a household with a very strong Protestant work ethic, where things that were good for you were not necessarily assumed to be comfortable or fun, which reminded me of when my ob/gyn said, “they call it labor for a reason.”

Everything I read about Stoicism made sense to me. The older I get the more I know that all I can control is myself. Marcus Aurelius said, “To be free, master yourself.” I like that. I can’t control what anyone else does or thinks of me, all I can control is what I do and how I respond to what life throws at me. When I go to bed at night I think: Well, I paid my bills and walked through Central Park on the way to a client, where I did my best to help, and wrote in my journal and made myself healthy food. I’m not perfect, not every day is a 10, but every day I try to be my best self, and even if I skip yoga today or eat a croissant tomorrow, I generally feel my trajectory is positive.

Sometimes we think there is some magic key that can unlock why we resist our mail, have such a compulsion to shop or inability to let go of things. But Stoicism doesn’t focus on the why, if focuses on what you do. Don’t worry about why you hate the mail… just open it. Don’t wonder if it is something about your childhood that makes you shop compulsively, just decide to stop because you know you have enough (and stoicism reminds us that happiness comes from developing virtues, not acquiring possessions). It may never be easy for you to let go of things, but you will do it anyway, because you know it is the right thing (and your de-cluttered space will make you happier).

I am always telling people not to beat themselves up, but the trick is to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes but approach new obstacles as Marcus Aurelius would: opportunities to practice our virtues.