Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter

Mourning is Part of the Process

Right before we moved seven years ago, sensing some reluctance on the part of my then 8-year-old son, I asked him if he wasn’t excited to move to a bigger apartment. “I guess,” he said, “but this is where all the memories are.”

Out of the mouths of babes.  I’ve had the opportunity to empty a lot of homes over the last 20 years, many for wonderful reasons, like new babies and bigger spaces or cross-country career moves. Often, it’s for people who are ready to downsize, and sometimes it’s after people have passed away. Whatever the reason, there’s always some sadness: It’s the rare home that doesn’t hold some good memories.

No matter why you are emptying a house, it’s an opportunity to let go and reset, and you know I think that’s a great thing. And, taking the time to methodically assess your belongings can be a great way to process your feelings about the space you are leaving.

Often, when I’ve helped clients leave old places, we discover stuff that they don’t need any more tucked away in corners and closets: chafing dishes from a kind of entertaining they don’t do anymore, or self-help books they’ve evolved beyond. It’s a beautiful thing to be able to go through things methodically and say good-bye to the ghosts of their past selves before they embark on a new phase.

Similarly, emptying a home after a loved one has died is a physical, tactile way of mourning: touching their clothes, their teacups, their photographs. These objects evoke memories, and in my work, I am often the person who gets to hear these memories, which is a gift.

People dread moving; they hate the packing and the purging, even when it’s for a happy reason. But I love it: I see it as transformation, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis. Of course, it’s easier when things are organized, and it’s easier when there isn’t a lot of clutter or garbage. If you’re rushed (and few moves are leisurely), it might all end up getting thrown into a box and moved, which is kind of a bummer and not how you really want to start in your new space.

So, do yourself a favor and purge a little now and organize a little now. You never know what’s around the corner, and if your home is in order, you will be in a better position to navigate life’s curveballs. And, when that next big move happens, focus on the process, because while it might be bittersweet, it might also make the transition that much easier.