Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter

When Does Faking It Become Making It?

A good friend recently accused me of ‘virtue signaling’ (for those of you who are not familiar with the term, these are the people who post their kale salads on Instagram with captions like, “My fave!” so we know how healthy and vegan they are.) I was so hurt by this accusation that I told another old friend, who burst into gales of laughter and said, “but who would you be if you didn’t virtue signal?” Apparently, I’ve been virtue signaling since before it was a thing, since before the internet or social media existed.

Here’s the thing. I’m an actor, I’m insecure, I’m short. I want you to like me and more importantly, I want you to respect me. So, every day I get out of bed and try to be that Amanda, the one who people would respect and admire. Now my kids would say that was fake, (though I’m pretty sure if I sat on the couch with a bong and a tall-boy and played NB2K my kids would say that was fake too… cause you know, they’re kids and I’m their mom and fake is the worst insult they can think of) but here is the question it leads me to, when does the appearance become the reality?

I mean, I’ve been pretending to be a highly-competent, health-conscious, compassionate person for decades, most of my adult life in fact. So maybe I’m not faking it anymore? At what point does virtue signaling become virtuous?

Recently, I’ve been working with a client to improve her habits. She works hard at her job and struggles to keep up with things at home, but recently she’s been pushing through. She’s heeded my call to spend 5-minutes a day on the mail even when she is wiped out and just wants to put her feet up. And, no surprise, she feels better. She feels more energetic and less depressed, which leads her to do more around the house, which make her feels even better. Because if you are tired and depressed and you don’t open your mail, then you are a tired depressed person with a pile of mail. But if you force yourself to do just a little bit, then you may still be tired and depressed, but at least you don’t have a pile of mail. And tomorrow might be better.

So, fake it until you make it. Pretend you are organized. Ask yourself, “where would an organized person put this important paper?” Think of those great montages in movies where they reveal character by showing the main character getting ready for his or her day. Does she put the cap back on the toothpaste? Is he rushing because he’s overslept? Does she make herself a piece of toast and butter it precisely? If the cameras were filming your morning ritual what would it reveal? And if you don’t like it, change it. Pretend you are You2.0. The better, serener, more organized you. Get up a few minutes earlier, put the cap back on the toothpaste, make yourself a healthy breakfast, and if you feel like it, go ahead and post-it on Instagram. After all, today’s virtue signaling could be tomorrow’s virtue.