Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter
The Child You Have
After my last newsletter, a reader asked me if I could write about children and their clutter. Yes, yes I can!
I think about organizing for children all the time, not only because many of my clients are parents, but because I have three kids and when I’m not at someone else’s house helping them come up with strategies for wrangling their offspring’s messes, I come home and face my own.
Before I get into specific strategies, there are two important ideas you should keep in mind (and if you don’t have kids, good for you! this will still be helpful).
Being organized is a means to an end, not the end. You want to be organized so that you can find what you need and not get stressed out, not because you want to look like a spread in Real Simple.
Different people have different tolerances for clutter. What seems unbearable to you might seem fine to your child. Think hard and choose your battles: no dirty dishes in their room is worth fighting for; no papers on the desk: let it go.
Often in a child’s room when there is clutter there is a dissonance. The child is into manga but Mom can’t part with Winnie the Pooh. So when I’ve worked with children, they have been able to let go of more than their parents expected—just not the stuff that their parents wanted them to let go of. Of course, like adults, some kids are better at letting go, and some find it really challenging. I think it’s innate, because my three kids are really different. The best thing to do is make it a practice, once a week or once a month or every three months, spend a little time with them really going through stuff. I find my kids are more willing to let go if I do it right before Christmas and birthdays. Here are some other key ways to help your children get a handle on their clutter:
Find a “recipient” for cast-off stuff. If you can find a slightly younger, conveniently located child that your child likes it can be a win-win. It makes my daughter feel grown-up and benevolent to pass on her “baby” things to our neighbor.
Make sure that storage is adequate and accessible. Sure, you can reach the top shelf of the closet, but if your children can’t, they are unlikely to get the art supplies you stored up there, and even less likely to put them back.
Label everything! I label the inner edge of my kids’ desk and dresser drawers. I label the repurposed boxes that hold their pencils. No, they don’t follow them perfectly, but the labels give them a guideline when they do try to straighten up, and it helps them find things.
Don’t lose faith. For years, I’ve secretly wondered if my frequent reorganizing of my children’s rooms was a waste of time, as it always seemed to degenerate in no time. However, in the last month my daughter has done two really effective clean-ups all by herself, which feels to me like a new year’s miracle. It also proves my theory that she was learning from all those times I did it for her and with her, she just couldn’t do it on her own yet.
What is true for parents is true for many people trying to get organized: It’s a dance between managing expectations (realistic? unrealistic?) and being diligent about building habits.
So dance that dance, walk that walk and post your experiences with organizing children on my facebook page. And if there is a topic you would like me to address in these newsletters, bring it on! I want this to be a dialogue, not a monologue.