Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter

Crossing Over

I’ve been fortunate in that many of my clients have been with me since almost the start of my business- over twenty years.  People who were in their 60’s, newly retired or empty nested are now in their eighties with grandkids.  And things look different to them now than they did twenty years ago.

First of all, when you have half your life ahead of you, it is common to save stuff. You think, “maybe my kids will want that, maybe I’ll get around to making that quilt now that I’ve retired, maybe I’ll want those summery dresses if I visit Florida in the winter.”

But twenty years later, you know more. You know your daughter absolutely does not want your mother’s hope chest, you are never going be a quilter (or you made one- and once was enough) and what you really wear in Florida are white jeans and cotton tunics, not Lilly Pulitzer dresses.

I’ve also found that while some middle-age adults tend toward nostalgia, sometimes my octogenarian and especially my nonagenarian clients are more ruthless.  They’ve come to a place of realizing how unimportant stuff is. They are truly wise; they know that friendships and family are what really matter. Ironically, many of them have children in their 50s and 60s who are reluctant to part with the family heirlooms and keepsakes.

But let’s learn from our elders. And let’s help them. As I’ve said many times in this space, getting rid of stuff isn’t easy, and if you help your older family members to de-clutter you open the possibility of them sharing stories with you that come up as you go through their keepsakes- and really, that was probably the motivation to keep a lot of it in the first place. To keep an object is to pass on a memory, but if you look at the object together, you can pass on the memory but let go of the object. Of course, it isn’t all altruism. Helping your parents and in-laws to declutter will make helping them to down-size, or ultimately, empty their homes after they have passed away, easier.

And you don’t have to be eighty to let go. Maybe your newly launched kids will take a few heirlooms if they don’t feel they have to keep them forever. The five remaining crystal glasses that belonged to your grandmother are gathering dust at your place, so if you give them to your daughter and a few get broken, that’s okay. At least they are getting used.

So, when you spend time with your family this spring and summer, go through some old stuff. Tell some stories, share some memories, and let some stuff go. The objects will be doing their job, triggering those forgotten stories, as you march them out the door.