Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter
Failing
Today I was at my wonderful new gym, and our adorable instructor, Seamus, just back from visiting his family in Ireland, gave us a little New Year’s pep talk. He said that one of the best things about being home was watching his 10-month old niece Erin learn to walk. He described how every day she woke up and spent the entire day pulling up, falling, pulling up and falling—ad infinitum. This, he said, was a great approach to achieving any goal, whether fitness, career, or love: accepting that failure is just part of the journey.
I don’t know about you, but when I fail, I want to go hide. I feel like all of my worst fears have been validated; I’m embarrassed and full of self-loathing. I don’t hide because I know better, but I want to. But what a waste of time: If we aren’t falling or failing, we probably aren’t learning anything new.
Clients often tell me they are impossibly bad at all kinds of life skills—time management, routine, boundaries, you name it. Yep. Most of us are. But what if we tried to cultivate the attitude of a 10-month old? What if, every day, we got up prepared to fail as many times as necessary, because we had a deep belief that ultimately we would achieve our goal?
What would happen if, every time you realize you just blew an hour on Facebook after you promised you would limit yourself to 15 minutes, you just noted it and moved on, rather than berating yourself? Or if each time you bought a box of stationary, even though you promised me that you would use what you have first, you simply thought, “Oh, look: I did it again.” Perhaps if you cultivated a detached observation, like a scientist, instead of getting caught up in the negativity of, “I’m so bad at this,” you would begin to see patterns where you get off course. When you go on Facebook, are you just looking for a break from work? Set a timer and stick to it, or consider a fifteen-minute walk instead. What happened right before you bought the stationery? Don’t criticize, analyze.
Let’s all be like baby Erin in 2019: fearless adventurers with complete confidence that we will ultimately prevail.