Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter
Letting Go of Ritual
I once worked with a client who would always buy a new suit when she gave a presentation. Even though she wasn’t really a shopper, over time she’d acquired a lot of (very similar) suits. For her, it had become a ritual.
We usually think of rituals as a set of behaviors that are routine, but with an element of meaning or intention. I always wake up, drink coffee in dim light and contemplate my bookcase, my moment of calm before the day begins.
Rituals evolve. And it’s easy to turn shopping into a ritual. Often it starts out as something important or necessary, like buying the kids new school clothes in September. Children grow, so they do need new clothes regularly, and it also feels like a way of marking development, transition, even putting a positive spin on the end of summer. Maybe, as they get older, your kids don’t particularly need new clothes in September, but you still buy them, because it’s part of your back-to-school ritual. Often, those shopping trips involve a special lunch and they create a kind of bonding time.
For my client, the ritual of buying a new suit before a big presentation had become like a lucky charm. I think that happens a lot—maybe when you were younger you always treated yourself to a new dress if you got invited to a party, or a new notebook if you took a course. Those purchases made you feel secure in those situations at that time.
But now, ask your self if it’s more of a habit (or an excuse) than a ritual. Years have passed and you’ve been to plenty of fancy parties; they don’t intimidate you, so you don’t need to cling on to the rituals of buying something new to feel pretty. Ditto with a new suit to make you feel confident in a meeting.
If a ritual is working for you, by all means stick with it. A new notebook has the portent of a new beginning; plus, you need a notebook for a class. Maybe you keep the special lunch and eliminate the shopping from the back-to-school ritual. And if it’s just a hollow habit whose time has passed, let it go.