Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter
Possession is 9/10 of the Problem
They say that possession is nine tenths of the law, but from my point of view, possession is nine tenths of the problem. I’ve written about the studies that show that once you own something, you are apt to overvalue it, and therefore find it difficult to part with. Even things you get for free suddenly seem valuable once they become yours. It reminds me of the quote frequently attributed to David Foster Wallace, though I feel like it has to be older: “Everything I’ve ever let go of had claw marks on it.”
For real.
We need to adopt more of a Zen attitude towards stuff. Fewer claw marks, more detachment.
In her wonderful book, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, author/illustrator Margareta Magnusson discusses how she trained herself to enjoy things in stores without buying them. What a concept!
How can you develop that skill? To enjoy without possessing, to admire without coveting, to touch without buying: For so many people, that would be a life-changing breakthrough.
I know the folly of shopping: I’ve helped you fill bags for the Goodwill. Still, sometimes I’ve had moments where I’ve felt deprived. But I know how it ends, so I steel myself against all the alluring things for sale: new clothes, better sheets, tchotchkes, file folders in wonderful colors, pillows so soft they will make my daughter swoon. I’ve avoided even walking into a mall or wandering through a store. All that resisting is exhausting, but the truth is, I have everything I need and more. So, I resist.
But maybe this is the wrong approach. “Resist” isn’t a very Zen word. So I’m trying to not be so rigid about not shopping, because it makes my kids think I’m no fun. I’ve been more willing to meander through shrines of stuff, but at the same time, I’m trying to show my children that it’s possible to visit a mall or a gift shop and admire, browse, contemplate, even enjoy, without purchasing. Stuff is all around us, but can you simply let it wash over you? Can you acknowledge the cleverness, beauty or utility of an object, without possessing it?
As for the things you already own, can you hold them a little less tightly? Can you say, “That was a freebie, I didn’t need it, it just came to me, and so I can release it,” or “Once, those pants were my favorites, but now they’re too loose. Perhaps someone else can enjoy them.”
When you’re in a store and something calls to you, take a breath, say to yourself, and maybe to the object: “You are cute and clever and I am delighted by you, but I do not need to possess you.” Say to your objects, “You have served your purpose, and now I can let you go.” After all, you can’t take it with you, so it’s okay to loosen your grip, and please, no claw marks (it ruins it for the next person).