Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter
Forgiveness
I was cooking dinner and listening to David Remnick interview Olivia Remes, an anxiety researcher who has given a Ted Talk on coping mechanisms. What I found so interesting is that all three of her main points are things I talk to my clients about all the time. I know that, to varying degrees, many of my clients have anxiety, though often it feels like a chicken-or-egg question: Are they anxious because of the clutter, or does being anxious create the clutter? It doesn’t really matter—it turns out that the solutions are the same in either case.
First, Remes says, do it badly. What she means is to let go of perfectionism and plunge in. Frequently, new clients will call, they’ll want to talk, they want me to come and look, and I say, “No, let’s just do it.” Clutter and disorganization fill people with dread, so they procrastinate, avoid, create obstacles (you know: I’m waiting until I get painted/get a desk/have a week off). But I know the only way is to face it and move through it. However, as Remes wisely points out, to do that, you have to give yourself permission to do it badly. I frequently remind new clients that this is just a first pass, we’ll make it organized enough today, and later, we can refine, weed more, get fancy boxes, whatever. But today, we are just going to plunge in and do what we can do, even if it’s imperfect, even if it feels like we are doing it badly. Because we are doing it, and that is good.
Remes’ second point made me stop chopping and run to my desk to make a note to watch her talk. She says to get over anxiety you have to forgive yourself. This happens to be the first step in my FLOW technique, so I felt very validated, though of course it’s hardly a new concept. You need to forgive yourself for your mess, your piles, your overshopping, because your self-judgement is just keeping you stuck. You have to forgive yourself to move on, and what you need to do is move on. So forgive yourself, the past is past, and now you are entering a new moment full of possibility.
Remes’ last point was that people need purpose and meaning. I often remind clients that the goal is not to be organized or to have a home that looks perfect, the goal is to be able to do the things that are important to you, without your clutter and disorder standing in your way. If you want to invite family for Thanksgiving, you want your dining table to be clear; if you want to travel abroad, it’s good to know where your passport is and that it’s up to date. You don’t want to spend your free time dealing with clutter, you want to spend it doing the stuff that gives life meaning.
So do something badly today, forgive yourself for something you are ashamed of and think about what your purpose and meaning is in life. You’ll be more organized—and maybe even less anxious.