Out of Chaos an organizing newsletter
Practicing What I Preach
Call it Murphy’s Law, or attribute it to God’s sense of humor, but if you spend your life telling people Throw it out! Throw it out! sooner or later you will face your own Waterloo in the stuff department and that is when it is time to practice what you preach.
My obstacle appeared when my father announced last June that he would be giving up the apartment I grew up in, which he and my mother moved into in 1961. What follows are the issues that came up, the approach we took to dismantle his apartment and the solutions I found to integrate new belongings into my apartment.
Issues
Emotional – This was an emotional event not only for me, but also for my father, my sister and many of our family friends. Not only was this my childhood home, but it was very much my mother’s home. My mother died of cancer in 1994, and dismantling her home would be letting go of her in a more concrete way than we had before.
Physical – Call me crass, but I always assumed that when I got my material inheritance (china, silver, furniture) I would also get my cash inheritance. Yet here I was, without the means to upgrade my living situation, but faced with choosing what to keep and figuring out where I would put it in my already full apartment.
The Approach
First, we broke it down into steps:
- My father would say what he wanted to take (he moved into his wife’s Manhattan apartment; they also have a place in Florida.)
- When my sister was in town in July, she and I would divide up what we wanted
- We would ship my sister’s stuff to Montana
- My father would drive his boxes to his wife’s Manhattan apartment
- We would ship my father’s Florida boxes after he left for Florida on November 1st
- Movers would take my stuff to my place
- Housing Works would come and take the rest
Once we laid it out, there was an urge to do it all at once, but since I didn’t have to have the place empty until December 1st, I gave myself time and scheduled at least a week in between each step. For the most part, this plan worked, and in the end, we were out of the apartment by December 1st as planned.
Problem Solving
For me, the first dilemma was what to take. There was no question that I would take my half of the china and silver, and half of the photo albums; it was the other stuff that was hard. Things I would use, but didn’t necessarily need, and things that reminded me of my mother were harder to let go of.
Client tip: when faced with jars and jars of loose change in an apartment she was dismantling, client Bettijane Eisenpreis called Common Cents. Seven very serious and grateful 8th graders came by with shopping carts to harvest” those pennies. Great Idea!
Making Space
Everybody told me to get a storage space, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I believe what I tell all of you: that if I wasn’t going to use it, I shouldn’t keep it. The trouble was there were things I wanted to use, but I had no place in my apartment to put them.
The biggest question was where I was going to put a set of silver, china and silver serving dishes. In addition, I would be getting table linens and miscellaneous family memorabilia. Clearly I needed more storage– but where? I studied the armoires and wall units at the Door Store and Ikea, but found that they were not only expensive, but also would net me very little gain over the four bookshelves I already had, which I would have to get rid of to fit another piece of furniture. I measured and added and literally stared at my living room walls for hours. Finally I decided that what I needed was a custom-built wall unit that would make use of the height of my living room. While all the estimates I got were similar, I chose AJO Lumber, mostly because I got a good ‘vibe’ from the boss, who was, as my husband would say, a mensch. Writing a deposit for nearly $2,000 was nerve wracking. At least when I bought my car I didn’t design it! Every time I measured my living room wall I got something different. Still, I took the leap and left my design for a wall unit that would be 8’4” high and 19′ long. They told me they would make it in 14 pieces, and I prayed it would all fit.
Meanwhile, my husband and I began to get rid of the furniture that would be displaced by what I was taking from my father’s place. After wasting hours corresponding with people from Craig’s List who never actually bought anything, my husband and I dragged our dining table, with four chairs and several bookshelves, tables & chairs in front of our building where we sold them all in 2 hours.
The 14-piece wall unit arrived and I spent two days painting it. After we wedged it in, we decided our worries about securing it to the wall were for naught… it wasn’t going anywhere!
Of course all of this led to a massive reorganization of the bookshelves and the CDs. There is still refining to do inside the cabinets, but I did serve Christmas dinner on my mother’s china and linen.
As things wound up at my father’s I began to feel sad about all the stuff going to Housing Works. There were still a lot of things with meaning to me, but I knew I didn’t need or really want them. Since my birthday was approaching, I decided to throw a very unusual party: I ordered pizza and invited my friends to bring a shopping bag and take what they wanted. As it turned out, a few people needed vans! My friend Katie did her Christmas shopping. Odette was able to finish decorating her new apartment without spending a dime, and my son’s best friend will grow up doing his homework at my sister’s childhood desk.
Housing Works came for what was left, and was very efficient. However, I hadn’t realized that they didn’t take books. I was on my way to Fairway trying to figure out where I could get rid of six cartons of books when I saw some guys unloading books to sell on the street. I asked if they would be interested in some more books, and they said yes. They came exactly when they said they would and had the cartons out in five minutes. It just goes to show that in NYC there is always somebody who wants what you are getting rid of, sometimes you just have to think a little creatively.
Also, as with every apartment I have helped to empty out, there were still some extraneous pieces. The porter in my Dad’s building said he would be happy to take the stuff down, but that I might want to tip the sanitation workers. I don’t know that it is legal, but I do know that $40 took care of 4 bedframes, 2 boxsprings and some metal kitchen cabinets.
So, my childhood home is no more, but I have had the opportunity to practice what I preach, which has been an excellent learning experience.
Great Resources for Getting Rid of Stuff
Housing Works 212-366-0820: They will pick up furniture and they will take clothes and household items as well. Be warned, they are picky about the condition of the pieces, and they will reject pieces if they aren’t in good shape. They will give you a form to itemize your donation and you can take a tax deduction.
Libraries: Call your local Library. The St. Agnes Branch sent a volunteer to my Dad’s house to take the books they wanted.
Salvation Army & Good Will: Check out your local thrift store. Usually you can drop of donations during business hours. They will give you a receipt for tax deductions, though it will not be itemized so there is a cap on your deduction.
City Opera Thrift Shop 212-684-5344: For finer clothes, consider the City Opera Thrift shop. You may itemize.
Universities: My father was able to take a deduction for 3 cartons of sheet music that we sent to the Music Library at Northwestern University.
Common Cents: 212-736-6437